1. - You should be very discriminating on free internet dating sites. Do you want to hook up with cheapskates? Criminals and weirdoes are more common on them too. Some people want to get hitched to get a passport. Some want to get you to send them money for airfare or their sick mother; these are scams. Some women are searching for ’sugar daddies’; a man to leech off of. Some are looking for someone who’ll put up with their intolerable behaviour; the very opposite of a loving relationship, where both parties look for ways to make the _other_ person happier. Conversely, if somebody has had to cough up some cash to join a dating site it means they are a bit more earnest and they’ve got a credit or debit card; a bit more comforting, but you can still easily land a wacko.

---

2. - In any correspondence (email or paper or discussion boards or chat rooms), obey the following rules: Be polite and conventional to begin with. Do not assume familiarity with an absolute stranger. Do not utilize lecherous words or swear-words or blather about violent or cruel acts. Women hate this kind of thing, and it makes them fearful; “uh-oh, another net weirdie!” Don’t boast. Play Up your nicest qualities and your status in the course of the correspondence, but don’t brag. Listen to what she has to say, and talk about HER and her pursuits. Don’t badger her. If she doesn’t want to talk, or doesn’t reply, don’t bug her. Silence is an answer in itself. She may be occupied, she may have received mail from other guys initially, or she just ain’t interested. Again, you don’t want to be seen as a pest-weirdo-stalker. For your own sake, you should try to get a photograph of her as soon as is polite. A photo speaks a thousand words, and you may save yourself a lot of exertion. Even then, photographs can be old or faked or photoshopped, so ask for photographs from her recent holiday, or the like.

---

3. - Paid internet dating sites are a better bet. Better yet is a specialist one. You reckon you’re open to all offers. In fact, in the back of your mind, you have a very specific set of criteria. Bring them to the foreground. Do you like slim or plump, tall or short, blonde or brunette, college-educated or not, extrovert or introverted? It’s smart also to go for people who are of the same faith as you. You might think it’s not crucial now, but when her kinfolk start getting engaged in your kid’s upbringing, it will matter a very great deal.

---

4. - Race, religion and nationality are consequential. Carefree twenty-somethings think they aren’t. Married thirty-somethings find they are, to their regret. When you marry person, you link up two families. Someplace down the line race, religion or nationality will become _very_ consequential. Of these three, I think religion is the most important; it affects rudimentary beliefs about the nature of the cosmos and your position in it. In Catholicism, for example, the Catholic in a mixed marriage has to give an undertaking to rear any children as Catholics. If you don’t cover that issue before getting married, you have set the timer on a bomb which could damage or break-up your marriage. A non-religious Muslim may re-discover his faith in his 40’s; this could be a big problem for his non-Muslim wife. If your in-laws are of a different religion and you require their assistance or they start interfering in your marriage… forget Hollywood; it produces lies and fantasy. You don’t live in an urban, disconnected bubble when you get married, unlike young singles who ’shack up’ together. This is why Catholics have a six-month lead-in period to marriage; if their priest is a conservative and thoroughgoing, they will be asked some searching questions before they can walk down the aisle. And a good thing too! The world doesn’t need any more divorces and fatherless children, and the wretchedness such things cause.

---

5. - Find someone who lives or works near you. A twenty-mile radius is about the limit; five-to-ten would be better. If you can’t get together easily you don’t have a relationship; it’s harder to go to a pub or a cafe or just go for a walk together spontaneously. Long-distance relationships only work for married people, for a short time; even then, soldiers still get divorced or the missus commits adultery or he does.

---

6. - You have to give the impression that you are confident, moneyed, powerful, (and tender in private with her). If you don’t have these qualities, fake them. Women need to see potential, and the origin of the word potential is the Latin ‘potentia’, meaning power.

---

Got a real-life date? Great! Here are a few more tips …

---

7. - Grooming: A man should be clean, fresh smelling, have well-cared for hands and feet, have clean socks, underwear and clothes, have ironed clothes, have a face that is clean shaven, or with a well-kept beard.

---

8. - While you first make eye contact, smile. If she smiles back, you’re in. Then go up, and say hello. After that, take your cue from her. She likes you, so you don’t have to jabber. You can say the most trite things; it’s your appearance, and the sound of your voice, that’re doing most of the work. If you’re uneasy, just tell yourself: “plenty more fish in the sea if I mess this up”. Which is true!

---

Free online dating service

---

9. - Most crucial: Avoid embarrassing your date in public. Women hate to be the centre of attention for the wrong reasons. If you’re behaving like a little boy or an obnoxious brute you’re using up your credit every second that ticks by.

---

10. - Social skills: A man should ideally be gregarious, with a coterie of jovial friends. He ought be able to hold knowledgeable discussions on an extensive variety of subjects. A man should be observant. He ought to acknowledge when a woman has changed her appearance. He ought to notice when she is unhappy. When necessitated he should not stay silent, but offer compliments or understanding. He should, however, also know that no knight ever won a fair lady by being meek and mild. You’re not obliged to put up with narcissistic behaviour. Don’t take women’s ‘crises’ too seriously. They certainly don’t. One day all is lost, the next day all is well. A strong man holds it all in. A strong woman (or a nutcase!) explodes. Regularly.

---

11. - Some women hanker for a man who is ‘macho’, tyrannical, even a little bit cruel. Emphasis on the little bit. You keep her attention by seeming to be complex and unpredictable. You may act tyrannical, dominating, even a little sadistic. Check her responses closely when you do. If she takes pleasure in submitting to you, a spark in her eye, a suddenly more positive response to you; you may be dealing with a woman who has a masochistic motive to be mistreated and controlled. If such conduct comes easily to you, it can be very efficacious with such a woman. One caveat; masochists like their pain on THEIR terms ultimately. You’ll need to take your cue from her, not just shove her about haphazardly. Moderation is key here.

---

12. - A bad habit: smoking. If you smoke, you’re cutting yourself off from the company of legions of women. I know the weed is diabolically difficult to kick. The brain craves it. But many women won’t go out with you if you smoke. Apart from the outcome on your health, it makes your hair and clothes to smell terrible, and your mouth to savour of an ashtray. Give the grubby habit up, and spend the cash you save turning yourself out nicely.

---

13. - Smiling and touching: A smile shows that you are well disposed towards somebody. Ensure you stand the correct distance away. Near, but not ‘in her face’. You are focusing on her, and her alone; with your soft-spoken jests and earnest interest in what she is saying, you draw her nearer. Nod, smile, chuckle, tease her. Touch her arm while speaking to her. A slightly prurient remark may be fitting, to test how far you can go. You need to drive out the idea that you might be ‘just being chummy’.

---

14. - A snazzy car is an important plus in your search for l’amour. Second-hand sports or classic autos can cost just as much as a new ’sensible’ car, and are a lot more fun. Screw the fuel consumption and the insurance! Women say they disapprove of big muscles in men and their big autos. What they really mean is they dislike men who are obsessed with or who are nothing more than their big muscles or their big cars. If you have both, and can project sensitiveness and authority, you’re three-quarters’ way home. Failing this, get an auto with character like a Morris Minor or a VW Beetle. What you’re targeting is the kind of auto a lady would like to be be found in. If it’s fashion models you want, you need a flash auto. If it’s arty-crafty types, get a ‘character’ car. It depends on your social milieu, and your own persona i.e. a student in a liberal arts faculty would look odd with a BMW, but upon reflection I think he’d be quite popular! Even the fact that you have any kind of car at all will be a bonus; ladies like to be chauffeured, and it opens up many more romantic possibilities. Just keep in mind it’s only a prop in your ‘act’.

---

15. - You’ll have a great deal more self-assurance if you’ve got some cash in the bank, a flat and a motorcar of your own; these ought to be a priority. You ought to also dress well. Dressing well means your appearance oozes power: you’re in control of your destiny. Women like to be looked after; project that you can do that, and you’re half-way home. Your personal circumstances likewise affect how you behave: a man who is actually well-to-do will project that unconsciously, and be more successful with women.

---

16. - Romance: Champagne, moonlight, soft words eloquently uttered, and flowers are arousing to most women. Those who try to get on with women, and talk easily about their pre-occupations, are more successful with women, than less thoughtful types.

---

17. - Women want you to like and look up to and care for them. Casanova was successful with women not because he was good-looking (he was rather plain), but because he truly appreciated them. The archetypical latin lover is very solicitous and complimentary to his quarry, and treats her like a princess, a donna. He says she is the most exquisite woman in the world, and means it. Oh, she laughs at this, but see how she glows too. Most men treat women like an alien specie, or objects to be acquired, as s-x toys, or as cranky incoherent nuisances. A man that accepts a woman precisely as she is, with genuine admiration, can have any woman he wants.

---

18. - Conspicuous consumption shows that you are not stingy with your cash. Demonstrate this by spending some on her, or giving her some! Don’t be a tomfool, however; if the interpersonal chemistry ain’t there, on BOTH sides, move on. You can’t pester or bribe a woman into loving you, ‘though they may be loath to turn away a ’sugar daddy’ entirely. When true love strikes, you’ll both know it; accept no alternative!

---

19. - Examine your responses to women objectively. You’ll find that a favourite type emerges: slim or plump, brunette or fair, extrovert or introvert. There’s a pop or movie star that you can’t help but gawp at when she’s on the screen. There’s a type that causes your head to swivel when you’re walking down the street. That’s the type you should go for; the one that arouses an automatic, positive response. You’ll find it easier to talk to this kind of girl. If you have found your true love she’ll feel the same way about you. You have genes that’ll help her make a better baby; she does the same for you.

---

20. - Don’t over-think it. We are pulled to a certain type, with whom we can make a better baby; more robust, fitter, brighter, better accommodated to its environs. Other types just don’t click with us, ‘though we can acknowledge intellectually they are attractive. It’s a heart thing, a guts thing, and parts lower down. The head merely gives its acquiescence to a decision already made.

I hope these few beginner pointers will assist you in finding a nice girl through online and offline dating.

Women think that men think like women.
Men think that women think like men.

A woman does this:

Prepares a meal of food she likes - bitter, lean, salady, light, and expects her date to like it;
Borrows a romantic DVD, with plenty of crying;
Wears a scent *she* likes;
Dresses to please her mainly female colleagues;
Keeps company with women, and acts in solidarity with them;
Trades secrets with other women, and feels empowered by so doing;
Has deep and wide-ranging feelings;
Is concerned with the feelings of those around her;
Abhors dirt and disorder;
Rages and cries at the smallest thing, once a month;
Words mean whatever she’s feeling at the time;

A man does this:

Not too fussed about food - likes heavy, sweet, stodgy grub;
Borrows an action or comic DVD, with no sob-stuff;
A quick wash under the armpits and we’re good to go;
Dresses to intimidate other men;
Happily keeps company with men, women, criminals, a dog, anything, as long as it doesn’t talk too much;
Trades mock punches, slaps on the back, cruel jokes, and has a good laugh;
One mood, all the time;
Is not too bothered about other people’s feelings, unless he’s done something *really* bad;
Secretly enjoys living in his own filth;
Last cried a few years ago, and did it in private;
Words mean as the dictionary defines them;

Now, how can these two distinct creatures ever get together?

Simple. Each has to start thinking like the other, just a little bit. Each has to research the other’s fantasy world, and reflect it back to the object of desire.

A good source of research is the magazine rack in your local supermarket. Men should look at womens’ magazines, and vice-versa. Men will discover that women fantasise about men who are:

Pretty-boys;
Slim;
Muscular (like a swimmer, not a weight-lifter);
Fashionably dressed;
Patrician;
Tight-fitting trousers;
Attentive;
Wealthy;
Powerful;
Confident;
Popular;
Makes her laugh;
Takes charge;
Can discuss his feelings occasionally;
Yet isn’t a wet dish-cloth;

Women will discover that men fantasise about:

Hussies.

(Sorry, I couldn’t resist that.)

Men fantasise about women who are:

Pretty;
Good size bust;
Exotic (foreign);
Flirtatious;
Tight-fitting top;
A hint of underclothing ‘accidentally’ revealed;
Just might be a bit ‘naughty’;
Laughs at his jokes;
Has a strong personality (extrovert, introvert, doesn’t matter);

Ladies: Men may bed a hussy, but they tend not to marry one. They won’t bring a wildcat or crazed neurotic home to mother.

For men, physical types vary. Not all gentlemen prefer blondes. Beauty is a matter of proportion. YOU may think your nose/bottom/breasts are too big/small. Don’t listen to your neuroses, or female friends who try to subtly undermine you, or lie to you to boost your confidence.

Get a few photos taken of yourself in tight clothes, put said photos in a drawer for a week, then glance at them again.

Your immediate reaction is probably the correct one.

Understand that men are in the grip of a powerful compulsion. *Any* woman can be attractive to *some* man. You just have to put yourself in his way. Staying at home, keeping to the same circle of friends, the same routine, won’t help. Go to where there are men of the calibre you desire. And look at them.

Gentlemen: You have to give the impression that you are confident, wealthy, powerful, (and sensitive in private with her). If you don’t have these qualities, fake them. Women need to see potential, and the origin of the word potential is the Latin ‘potentia’, meaning power.

How will you know if a girl is interested in you? She gives you a second glance. Try smiling. If she smiles back, you’re in!

It’s a myth that men gain women by chasing them. Women assess men, then give the big gits ‘the come on’. You just need the confidence to walk over and say hello.

If you can think of a witty remark, make one. If you can’t, just smile. Say hello. Ask a pertinent question. Then listen to what she has to say. Which, if she likes you, will be a lot.

Lastly: don’t over-think it. We are attracted to a certain type, with whom we can make a better baby; more robust, healthier, smarter, better adapted to its environment. Other types just don’t click with us, ‘though we can acknowledge intellectually they are attractive. It’s a heart thing, a guts thing, and parts lower down. The head merely gives its assent to a decision already made.

The shame is not that you don’t find your onely love; the shame is in not making yourself available to your destiny, and giving life your all. Go to!

T. O’ Donnell is the author of ‘The Black Book Of Power’, a free personal development ebook, and lives in London, UK.

Here are twelve beauty tips that are guaranteed to work, if you follow them *all*. There’s no point eating fresh fruit and vegetables, and then smoking like a chimney!

1. Moisturise.

This is a misnomer, you can’t actually put water in your skin. You can, however, oil it up (like leather!), and trap water next to the skin.

After every wash, put an inert oil on your face. Johnson’s Baby Oil is good. Put it especially on your laughter-lines (around the eyes), your forehead, around the mouth and on the neck.

You don’t need expensive ointments; independent studies show these are a con.

2. Eat Good Food.

Eat plenty of fruit, fish and vegetables, drink water. A healthy diet makes for a healthy body, and health makes you look younger.

3. Sleep.

MOST IMPORTANT.

At least eight hours. A good night’s kip will make you look years younger.

Go to bed before midnight, as early as possible. You’ve had enough when you bound out of bed in the morning, full of energy. If you don’t, you need more, or you’re depressed, or you went to bed after midnight.

Lack of sleep is very ageing. If you don’t get enough sleep you look haggard i.e. old. Sleep deprivation is akin to being a zombie; your IQ is less, memory poorer, and your reactions slower. You become more prone to disease.

4. Don’t Smoke.

Smoking constricts the capillaries in your face. This is why smokers look pale. It ages the skin. It makes your hair lank.

A smoker is essentially in a constant state of ill-health; weaker immune system, less energy, less stamina. In time smoking can lead to serious disease. It lenghtens recovery time from other diseases. Doctors tend to write-off smokers; they know their work is being wasted.

Cigarettes contain poisons like formaldehyde, ammonia, arsenic, and benzene. The reason people crave them is because they also contain nictotine, which is more addictive than heroin. You can kick heroin in five days; nicotine can take weeks.

5. Don’t Drink Alcohol.

Again, alcohol is a poison. Drunkenness is a mild form of poisoning; hence its alternative name: intoxication.

I once knew some Australian girls when I first came to in London. They used to ‘party hearty’. One of them was very pretty. After 6 months she looked like she’d aged fifteen years; 20 going on 35.

When I was very young I used to wonder why adults looked so old, tired and fed up. Certainly life has its disappointments, but we help death mark our card early on.

6. Don’t Sunbathe.

In neolithic times men used to cure animal hides by exposing them to the sun. This was the earliest form of tanning; they were making leather.

This is what’s happening to sunbather’s skin. That’s why 35 year-old sunbathers look 45, and 45 year-old sunbathers have skin the texture of a leather armchair.

Sitting in the sun for hours is weak-minded. Look at the great beauties, the older ones. They kept well out of the sun; their skin is milky white. You don’t see their sisters in magazines, who, for a season’s healthy glow, sacrificed their looks forever.

7. Don’t Dye Or Bleach Your Hair.

Unless your hair is grey or mousey, leave off putting chemicals on it. If you are healthy, your hair will reflect this. Bleaching is bad for your hair, and you may damage the follicles. If the dye doesn’t suit your skin tone, it won’t make you look good anyway.

8. Don’t Wear Formal Clothes.

Dress younger, look younger!

9. Don’t Wear A Beard Or Moustache, Or Long Hair (for men).

If your hair is thinning and long, or you have a beard or moustache, you’ll look older by ten years. Conversely, a short hair-cut and a clean-shaven face takes years off you. Cut off your sideburns; voila! instant youth.

10. Don’t Have Cosmetic Surgery.

This is a trap. Because a man has M.D. after his name doesn’t mean he has the skill of a Michelangelo or Da Vinci. That’s what you need to remodel a human face.

Why? Because our perceptions of human beauty rely on very subtle clues in another’s face; small lines, dimples, contours, expressions.

A cosmetic surgeon cuts these out, and you are left with a mask. You lose some of your personality. You become a type; a Hollywood social x-ray, a waxen-faced thing. Don’t do it, girls!

We are not machines; cut us, take a part out, replace it, and we are never quite the same again.

11. Don’t Over-diet, Over-exercise.

This makes you look scrawny and haggard. A slightly fleshy face looks younger; the wrinkles fill out a bit.

A bit of exercise gets the blood flowing, and reminds your muscles they exist. Too much intense exercise (more than two hours a day), a low carbohydrate diet, and you look haggard; worn out, old, under par.

12. Don’t Worry!

If you have problems, resolve to deal with them, or deliberately avoid them; but decide, and then put them out of your mind. Stress and worry make you haggard, and pre-dispose you to disease. They keep you awake at night, and ruin the quality of your sleep.

Meditate. Resolve your problems before you go to sleep at night. Observe your thoughts and emotions dispassionately. You may be surprised to find how crazy most are!

In short, youth is a combination of factors; one cream or regime won’t do. Address your entire person, body and mind.

Here’s to your good health!

T. O’ Donnell is the author of ‘The Black Book Of Power’, a free personal development ebook, and lives in London, UK.

1. Eat Wholesome Food.

Eat plenty of fruit, fish and vegetables, drink clean water. Depending on where you live, you may need the bottled stuff, or the tap water could be OK. Avoid chlorinated water. If you’re in a First World country, and the tap water looks clear, and doesn’t taste of anything, it’s probably OK.

Packaged food is full of additives. These are flavourings, colourings and preservatives. The more ingredients a food has, the less healthy it’s likely to be. The preservatives are poisons, put into kill bacteria.

Try and get organic food, if you can. It’s less likely to be tainted. A healthy diet makes for a healthy body.

2. Sleep.

Get at least eight hours a night. If you need twelve, take them! Ignore those fools who say they can manage on four hours a night; maybe they can, but if you’re like a zombie at work, or you sleep longer at the weekends, you’re chipping away at your health.

Lack of sleep is very ageing. You become more prone to disease. Recovery time from colds is longer, and you get more of them. If you don’t get enough sleep you look haggard i.e. old. Sleep deprivation is akin to being a zombie; your IQ is less, memory poorer, and your reactions slower.

3. Avoid Drugs.

This includes cigarettes and alcohol.

A smoker is essentially in a constant state of ill-health; weaker immune system, less energy, less stamina. In time smoking can lead to serious disease. It lengthens recovery time from other diseases. Doctors tend to write-off smokers; they know their work is being wasted.

Cigarettes contain poisons like formaldehyde, ammonia, arsenic, and benzene. The reason people crave them is because they also contain nicotine, which is as addictive as heroin.

Alcohol is a poison. Drunkenness is a mild form of poisoning; hence its alternative name: intoxication. It attacks the liver, which is vital to your well being. You don’t want your doctor to tell you have the body of a fifty-year-old at the age of twenty-five.

As for illegal drugs: Apart from the direct effects of the substance itself, it may be mixed with additives that end up poisoning you. The vendors have no fear of consumer watchdogs; they can put whatever they like in their products.

4. Take some exercise.

Exercise gets the circulation going, and gets more oxygen into the body. I’ve noticed when I sit at my PC all day, I get stiff. If I do it for days in a row, I feel colder.

When I take a long walk, I can feel my joints loosening up, and I just feel ‘better’ at the end of it.

We share a common ancestry with the great apes. They are very strong; a chimpanzee can kill you quite easily. This is partly because they take a lot of exercise swinging around the place and foraging for food; no sitting around for them!

5. Avoid Worrying.

Consider your problems dispassionately. Solve them in your mind, or put them aside. Continuous worry never solved anything; it just wears you down. If you have problems, resolve to deal with them, or deliberately avoid them; but decide, and then put them out of your mind. Stress and worry make you haggard, and pre-dispose you to disease. They keep you awake at night, and ruin the quality of your sleep.

Meditate. Resolve your problems before you go to sleep at night. Observe your thoughts and emotions dispassionately. You may be surprised to find how crazy most are!

Look, all you really need are clothes, food, and someplace warm to sleep at night. Everything else is a bonus. Remember, it all ends in the grave, for rich and poor alike. Today’s major problem will be tomorrow’s vague memory. So cheer up, and get healthy!

T. O’ Donnell publishes self improvement, Wordpress theme and loan calculator softwares in London, UK.